One of the reasons I believe being an adult is hard is because we started with very high expectations, which seemed normal at the time. As a child, I thought that by now I would have had everything figured out, and even gotten married with a couple of kids. But it hasn’t happened yet and reality doesn’t match where I thought I would be.
Family Examples
My general expectation for life as an adult first came from my mom’s life. My mom got married when she was just 24, which was very common. By the time she was 30, she had already gotten married and had 2 kids! Fast-forwarding to me, I knew I didn’t want to get married by 24, but I sure as hell thought maybe 27 would be a good age for that. But again, it didn’t happen.
Comparing ourselves to examples such as our parents is natural. It’s the closest example we have, but it doesn’t always work like that anymore. Life is moving much faster than it did in 1990. A quick look at the stock market will show you how quickly lives change nowadays.
Life Stumbles
On top of that, I have had stumbles along the road. I followed the normal path. I graduated from school with honors and went straight into college, where I also graduated with honors. Then, I got a great job and moved out of my parents’ house. I was living my fantasy to the fullest, and I was just 23. Then, life hit me hard and I had a huge setback.
Without going into the gritty details, I was no longer able to keep my student visa, and I wasn’t selected in the lottery for a work visa. So, I crashed from my wonderful fantasy where everything seemed to fit so well with what I had in mind. I felt too young to have my fantasy stripped away from me, and I don’t think I’ve completely gotten over it yet.
Forced Restart
Nonetheless, I was forced to pick myself up and start again in a new environment. This pause has killed my confidence. I was completely heartbroken for years. Everything I had worked so hard to achieve was taken away from me and I would never be the same.
It has taken me years and lots of therapy to slowly take the reins back. But I am not the only one.
There are so many of us that follow the normal path, and it doesn’t work out. We have to restart because deep inside there is still the will to survive and thrive.
I also learned through these experiences that it was useless to be so jealous of all those people who didn’t seem to stumble. In most cases, they had their own baggage to deal with, which was completely different from mine.
Separation is liberation
Surprisingly, 2020 gave me the separation from the office I needed to get the guts to actually change my life. We are still surrounded by uncertainty as we are not over this pandemic yet, but I can control what I write in this blog, and what I write about, and that means freedom to me.
In conclusion
Millions of people stumble and fall every day for similar reasons, things didn’t add up to the way you wanted them to. There are so few really lucky people who followed the same path I did, and are still on that same path. The rest of us have to muster up the strength and navigate the seaweed on the shore to get to the peaceful clean side of the ocean.
Some of us follows our parents examples. But things change. Then, we find inspiration in our kids and as a family, we walk together and we help each other. I hope that very soon, we all could be on the clean side of the ocean. Love you Ceci.
Thank you for the comment! It’s true, our family is our main ally as we navigate the struggles we face and hopefully we can get to the calm waters together
Hi Ceci, while reading this I could instantly relate with so many parts of this story. I think our generation is the one who struggles the most with the expectations from our parents generation and the Z generation 馃く but all we have is to see everything with a little bit of humor 馃槀
Thank you Steph for your comment! Our generation is definitely struggling on a global scale and I agree that a little bit of humor can go a very long way when dealing with unfulfilled expectations.
Bueno, soy de una generaci贸n anterior a la de ustedes. Creo que las cosas son diferentes porque la vida cambia, nada permanece igual. Hemos sido todos adultos j贸venes, adolescentes y muchos ya somos adultos mayores pero en cada etapa de nuestras vidas hemos tenido que enfrentar los retos y dificultades que se nos presentaban y ahora se les presentan a ustedes. Lo que no hemos pasado antes en muchos a帽os ha sido una pandemia como la que vivimos en el mundo entero y que nos trae otro tipo de dificultades donde tenemos que estar juntos de coraz贸n.
Es muy cierto, estamos pasando un momento como ning煤n otro y creo que eso cambia mucho nuestra experiencia de vida sea cual sea nuestra edad. Por eso s铆 pienso que es importante usar la familia como ejemplo pero modificarlo a lo que vivimos actualmente.
Ceci. Muy bonito lo que has escrito. Las experiencias dif铆ciles que vivimos nos hacen m谩s fuertes y sabios. Muchos besos!
Muchas gracias por tu comentario!